Lawyertown
by Rulin
Summary: Written for the PW Kink Meme - Prompt 'You are a Pirate'


Ooohhh… My fingers huuurt…

I hope OP doesn't mind a fic full of fail. And sorry it took so long… Please excuse the OCness he GS4 characters. I have yet to play that game D:

I like the opening song. I doodled it in the middle of my Accounting 260 quiz on IFRS3! Go me! Although, my tutor was looking at me funny when she handed them back.

And when I got it back, there was a note saying 'refrain from song writing during a test…… And besides, it's only speculation. He can wear Magenta if he wants to!'

I think I love my tutor a little bit more now

On with the Ficcery!

--

Welcome to Lawyertown

A place where you wanna stay!

You'll meet Winston at the prosecution bench

And Phoenix defending all day

Apollo is new in town

And soon he and Trudy are friends!

With Maya, Pearls and Klaiver too

We're gonna get not guilty toghetheeerrrr (except Klaiver)

Go go go get 'em Lawyertown

It's the start of a brand new case!

Lots of Turn-A-Bout

Here in Lawyertown

Edgeworth is totally gaaaaaaayyyyy

--

Detective Arrested for murder! Page 12

--

Apollo groaned as he peered at Detective Gumshoe through the glass of the detention centre. "I don't get it. I know you didn't do it… But how on EARTH did they get something like that with your prints on it?"

The detective sighed dejectedly. "I don't know pal. It seems like this is an open and shut case." He perked up slightly, grinning sheepishly. "But don't worry pal! I know you'll get me out of this!"

Hoo boy… If only I had your confidence Apollo thought, as he left the centre. Running over the details of the case in his mind, he failed to notice a certain magician in training.

"Hey Polly!" Trudy yelled, glomping the distracted lawyer from behind.

"Gaaaahh!" he yelled, Steel Chords of Doom ™ shattering all the windows in the three mile radius.

"Like my new vanishing trick?" Trudy asked, unphased by the Steel Chords of Doom ™ as her eardrums jumped ship ages ago.

"Not now Trudy! I got this guy to defend whose prints are all over the murder weapon!" he snapped, feeling half guilty as the girl started to pout.

"Alright, alright geez." The magical girl sighed, crossing her arms. "But if you're really that stuck, why don't you ask Daddy? He used to do this kind of thing you know."

--

The funny thing about the Wright Anything Agency was that it was shaped in the form of a giant cactus blimp. When asked why this was so, the owner merely shrugged, and then proceeded to scrub his toilet no less than 27 times.

But for now, an unshaven, untidy looking man was sitting at the table reading the paper.

"How can they arrest a songwriter for slander anyway?" He mused, reading an article entitled Songwriter slammed for 'inappropriate' lyrics!

The door slammed open as Trudy, dragging a very annoyed looking Apollo, bounced inside. "Hey daddy! Polly needs help again."

Again? Polly thought, as he was pushed down into one of the chairs opposite the reading hobo.

"Hum… You're on Gumshoe's case aren't you?" Phoenix asked idly, sipping a glass of grape juice.

Where the hell did he get that from? Does he get it for free or something? Apollo thought, before nodding.

"Well, if you're stuck, why don't you check the witness? If you've done your research, maybe you'll find something out about her. And the knife." Phoenix said, turning back to his paper.

Apollo nearly facepalmed (Which was quite easy considering the size of his forehead). How could he not have thought of that? "Um.. Thanks Mr. Wright…" He said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

The Hobo just waved his hand dismissively, as Trudy hugged him with a 'thank you daddy', and then turned and dragged Apollo back outside.

--

MEANWHILE

Klaiver peered at the knife again, wriggling the blade slightly as it jiggled in the hilt. Strange…. He thought. Almost as if…

He dismissed the thought with a shake of his head. He had gotten this directly from the witness! Why would it be tampered with?

--

Ms. Mary Mei, 37 years old, had a history of losing husbands. The first died of a stab wound, the second as well. However, in both the cases, the weapon was clean of prints.

"So… Are you sure that all you saw?" Apollo said for the third time, sitting in a rather decorated room and sitting opposite a rather pleasant looking brunette.

"Y-yes.." She half sobbed, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. "That detective just stormed in, stabbed him and ran off!"

"And how did Detective Gumshoe know you?" Trudy asked, glaring daggers at Mary.

"We… we went to high school together. I.." At this point, she blushed. "We dated for a while… But then I broke it off because he was too overprotective! Once, he saw me talking to another guy, and he came over and broke his nose!" She exclaimed, eyes brimming with tears.

"For all I know… He.. H-he might be the killer of my last husbands as well!"

At this point, the tears flowed down her face unable to be confirmed any longer.

Apollo groaned. This is terrible… How could the detectivenot be guilty?

"Well… Thank you for your time Ms. Mei."

--

Once outside, Apollo flopped down on a bench and glared at the sky.

"Don't give up Polly!" Trudy grinned, face appearing above him. "How about the victim? We can ask him, can't we?"

Apollo blinked. "What? How? Unless you know necromancy, I doubt we'll get a word out of a corpse."

Trudy whacked him on his forehead (which was, did I mention, quite big?) "No silly. We can ask Aunt Maya."

--

Kurain Village was a little more upkept than his last visit. For one, they now had (much to their excitement) more than one phone. And a television. There were even future plans for a computer, and maybe even a Burger joint. Of course, the last suggestion was only supported by Mystic Maya.

"Mystic Maya is busy training at the moment." Pearl said sadly. "I wasn't able to go along because it's the super extreme fully sik course. And I wasn't cool enough." She Suddenly turned angry, slapping the closest thing (which happened to be Apollo. In particular, his forehead. Which is big and quite hard to miss)

"How am I supposed to know what 'Lolcats' are? I thought there were just cats! And what's a Mudkip?" She fumed, only just then noticing Apollo on the floor.

"What are you doing down there?"

Apollo bit back a particularly nasty response, and sighed heavily. "Look. Do you think you can do a Channelling for us then? Maybe of the victim? I have a photo of him if you need it." He gritted out, holding out the case file.

"Hum… Mr. Manny Bucks? Alright. Let's see what we can do."

--

The transition from female Pearl to Male Manny wasn't that noticeable. The only thing that really changed was his face. (Pearls had not yet unleashed the full power of the Fey Family UberBust ™)

"Er… Hello Mr. Bucks…" Apollo said cautiously, not quite knowing how the previously dead acted.

"Hello dear boy! How are you going? Dealing with my case wot? Delighted to meet you!" The gruff voice said, shaking the defence attorney's hand so hard he suspected a possible dislocation.

Trudy grinned as Apollo retrieved his arm and whimpered. She liked Manny already. "Mr. Bucks-" She started, before she was interrupted.

"Please dear! Call me Manny. You'll make me feel older than my years!" he laughed, shaking her hand as well.

"Look dead guy." Apollo said, finally regaining feeling in his hand. "We wanted to ask you about how you died."

"Of course dear forehe-er boy" Manny corrected. "I'll tell you all you need to know!"

"So… What's the last thing you remember?" He cautioned, oblivious to the mistake in address.

"Well, Mary was at the door talking to someone. He looked kind of like a pirate. Then I turned around, felt a sharp pain, and I died." Manny mused, stroking his moustache (which would have been more effective if he actually had a moustache)

Trudy squealed. "Really? An actual Pirate?"

"Indeed young lady! A pirate in Magenta, wot."

"I love pirates!"

"Seems like we have a common interest young lady! In fact, pirates are what brought me and Mary together!"

"Really? How romantic!"

"Indeed! It started at the office mixer, where the theme was 'dress as something that starts with a P'. You should have seen some of the costumes, wot! Enough to make you blush! Why there was even a man dressed as a..."

Apollo pondered during this exchange of pirate fanaticism. So… A pirate? Why would Gumshoe be dressed as a pirate? Unless… Gumshoe didn't actually do it. Herm… Mary must have been familiar with the pirate to actually have been chatting with him so readily. Seems like he'd have to go back and check Ms. Mei again.

He tuned back into the conversation, regretting it the moment he did.

"And he had his backside to the wall for the rest of the night!"

Manny roared with laughter, Trudy blushing and giggling helplessly at the same time.

"Alright. Let's got Trudy. I think we have all we need for now." He said, wary of what Mr. Wright would do if Trudy went home and repeated the conversation.

"Thank you Mr. Bucks. We'll try to find your killer."

"Thank you dear boy! And call me up any time you want to talk young lady!" he said, patting Trudy on the head.

--

Pearl was slightly disorientated when she came to. There was note thanking her for her co-operation from Mr. Justice and Ms. Wright, and a Pink Princess card as a gift.

She felt strange though and looked down.

The rest of the inhabitants of the village ran to the channelling chamber as soon as they heard the scream.

One of the elders pushed through the crowd into the chamber. After a while, a sigh of relief was heard as she re-emerged. "It's alright everyone. Pearl has just unlocked her Fey Family UberBust ™ power. Someone get me some reinforced titanium and some nice strong material. We need to keep those puppies up somehow."

--

MEANWHILE

Klaiver was sitting in this office. One thing occurred to him more than anything else.

Was he actually going to do anything in this story or no-

--

"Soo…" Apollo said, scrolling through the numbers on a perfectly pink phone. They were currently in the evidence room, rummaging through the evidence of the case.

Let's see… Iyam Neekid, Anthony N. Ecstacy…. 'Edgeybeard'?

"Uh.. Trudy…" He called to the magical girl rummaging though previous case filed.

"Yeah?"

"Is 'Edgeybeard' a pirate name?"

Trudy clapped her hands together. "You mean you haven't heard of Edgeybeard? He was famous prosecutor at one stage, but he sued to plant false evidence to get a guilty verdict. But he was thrown into madness when he realised how many people he sent to their dooms!"

Apollo waited. "And…?"

Trudy blinked. "And what?"

Apollo resisted the urge to slap his really big forehead. "And what happened after he went nuts?'

"Oh, he started an underground smuggling thingy. You can hire him to plant false evidence at a crime scene. He figures that anyone who is dumb enough to all the evidence at face value are complete idiots." She grinned. Shuffling some papers, she held out a few sheets to Apollo. "Um… I think you might find this useful…"

He stared at the sheets. A week before the murder, Gumshoe reported a butterknife was stolen from his apartment? How would that help him? He was just about to think that maybe Trudy had gone off the deep end, when he came across notes on the previous husbands of the witness.

Greg S. Loaded – 25, Died from a stab wound to the back, Weapon was void of prints.

Richy McRichRich – 30, Died from a stab wound to the back, Weapon was void of prints.

Manny Bucks – 37, Died form a stab wound to the back, Weapon found with prints of Detective Dick Gumshoe

Herm… This might be useful after all…./i He thought, before looking at Trudy who has an expression of 'I know I helped, so Thank me already.'

"Thanks Trudy. Now let's go see a man about a Pirate."

--

He adjusted the wig for the fifth time, before being painfully elbowed in the side by disguise!Trudy. "C'mon Po-er Jack. Stop fidgeting."

"How can I not fidget Molly when I look like a friggin-" He was cut off as he was elbowed and foot stomped in succession.

The Pirate bar, which he didn't realise existed up until now, was full of laughing, burping, drinking pirates. There was a pool table, and a dartboard which was (funnily enough) in the shape on a Ninja.

Pirates and Ninjas are natural enemies Trudy had told him earlier. That was offcourse before he asked how on Earth she knew about places like this. She just smiled and waved him away.

Disguise!Trudy waved down the barman, who looked like a cross between an Op Shop and The rocky Horror picture show. "I'm here for… Edgeybeard…." She whispered lowly.

The barman looked slightly unnerved that such a young lass needed him, but slipped her a small card. "Here ya go lass. Don't go spreadin this around, right?"

She glanced down at the card as the barman moved away. Back door #4

She nudged Apollo, whose eyes were fixated on the dancing Pirate girl on stage. Heehee… Bouncy bouncy stripes…

"Polly!" She hissed, smacking his overly large forehead. When he did not respond even to that, she grabbed his hair and dragged him out of the bar.

--

Apollo pouted as Trudy soured the back alley of the bar. Why couldn't he stay inside?

Trudy approached, and dragged him into a dark corner. "Alright… I'll ask him about his work, and you sneak around through the window and try to find something okay?" She said. Before Apollo could say 'Hell No', she had knocked on the door hidden on the far side of the alleyway.

There was a flash of Magenta, and Trudy was let in.

Apollo sighed again. Adjusting his hat, he managed to scramble to the top of some boxes and fall though the window.

--

Trudy winced as she heard the crash. The brown haired pirate before her said "Don't worry about that. Cats are always making noise around here." She said, before leading Trudy to a room and indicating her to sit on a worn looking couch.

"I'm Hannah by the way. Edgeybeard's secretary. He is quite busy you know. But He'll be glad to see you. Want a Coffee or anything?" She asked, hands on her hips.

"Er…" Disguise!Trudy started. "Do you have Grape juice?"

Hannah blinked. "Yeah actually. Not sure why he keeps it here. He doesn't even drink it. Hang on a sec." She said, wandering away.

--

Meanwhile, in the Archives room of the Pirate house thing, Apollo was not having much luck. There were stacks and stacks of case files, all piled up against one another. Edgebeard must have fixed all of these! However, some files were green with a smiley face on them, and some were read with a 'lol n00bs' sticker on them.

He sighed. This might take a while… he said glumly, pulling out the first red file.

--

"And I said, 'That's not my horse, that's my Cat!'"

Trudy grinned helplessly as Hannah bolted out another bad joke. But the grape juice wasn't that bad. It tasted exactly like the type Daddy drinks…

Suddenly, there was a buzzing noise, and Hannah abruptly stopped laughing.

"Alright Molly. Edgeybeard will see you now. Just go through that door, kay?" Hannah smiled, taking Trudy's empty glass and vanishing through another door.

Disguise!Trudy gulped, and stepped through the door.

--

It as rather bright in Edgeybeard's … office she supposed. A spare Magenta suit hung on the wall over a magenta couch which was on a magenta carpet. Magenta curtains hung from magenta rails bathing the room in a soft glow of magenta.

What… The… Hell… Gay Pirate Alert! Her mind supplied, before taking a seat in a magenta chair on the opposite side of a 'oh my god not magenta!' desk.

"So, you want me to organise something for you, correct?"

She almost squeaked in surprise as a voice behind her echoed in the magenta room.

Turning around, she saw a magenta clad pirate, with silver hair standing there and eyeing her critically.

"You seem a bit young to want something organised. But I suppose I must not judge by face value." He said, walking around the desk and sitting in the large magenta ergonomic chair.

Trudy stared. "But… You don't have beard!" She burst, before squeaking and covering her mouth.

Edgeybeard raised a regal eyebrow. "Well spotted miss."

She blushed and decided to get straight to it. "Um.. it's Molly. And… I want you to take care of my.. er… Crime." She said lamely, now thinking that maybe thinking this plan through might have been the best course of action.

"Your 'er' crime?" He asked, smirking slightly. "And what Might that be?"

"Er… well…" Think Trudy!

"I'm going to kill my cheating boyfriend for stealing my… umm… Panties?"

Edgeybeard stared at her blankly for a second, and sighed. "I do not think stealing panties is reason enough for you to kill someone Ms. Molly."

"Yeah but…" Strange… She was starting to feel a little sleepy… "They're.. my.. Magical panties…"

Edgeybeard smirked. "Well Ms. Wright… Feeling sleepy are we?"

Alarm bells rang in her mind as the fogged voice of the pirate came though the drowsiness she was feeling. This is bad….

Then it all went black.

--

Apollo had been staring at the document he found for quite a while now. He folded the sheet small and tucked it into his pocket.

He turned only to come face to chest with a large magenta gay man.

"Large Magenta Gay man!" he screamed, Steel Chords of Doom ™ temporarily disorientating the LMGMan.

He raced out the door and into the alley. Oh shit! He's got Trudy!

--

"So… You think she's in trouble?"

"…"

"Are you sure?"

"…"

"She's WHERE?"

"…"

"Yeah okay. Save her first, spazz out later. Thanks"

Phoenix ran from his cactus blimp shaped office and down the road to the seedy bar district.

Back at the office, if he could, Mr.Hat congratulated himself in getting Phoenix out of the office.

--

Apollo was deciding wether to go back or call for help, when he crashed into the running figure of Mr. Wright.

"Mr. Wright! Trudy-!" he was cut off by Mr. Wright who grabbed his arm and dashed inside the building.

Trudy was tied to a large tree (where'd that come from?) with Edgeybeard standing over a chest (a WOODEN chest. You know, a treasure chest? Geez…)

By the sound of it, he was ranting about how they would never be able to take the contents of the chest, etc, etc

"Alright…" Phoenix whispered. "I'll go out and kick ass, you get Trudy."

"Hey wait!" Protested Apollo. "How are you going to do that?"

Phoenix blinked. "Didn't Trudy tell you how Edgeybeard was defeated? A case about his dad being murdered cropped up. And the guy who took him in after was the actual murderer! Don't you kids read these days?"

Without another word, Phoenix jumped out and pointed at Edgeybeard. "OBJECTION!"

The magenta pirate turned slowly. "Well, well, well… A power crystal." Before pausing, taking out a wad of notes and reading from a few pages. "Oh damn.. Okay.. Ehem."

"Well, about time you showed up Wright. But you cannot stop me!"

"Er….. From doing hat?"

"…Um… Eeevil things!"

Phoenix stared at Edgeybeard stupidly. "What?"

Edgeybeard sighed. "Look, I know this is stupid, but I had to get in here somewhere. But I'll tell you what. You let me keep running my little business here, and I'll give you the decisive evidence for the Gumshoe case, deal?"

"Deal!" Phoenix said, shaking Edgeybeard's hand. "You can stop now Apollo."

Apollo, during the conversation, was valiantly attempting to untie the rope. Edgeybeard walked over and sighed, indicating that the rope was never actually tied in the first place.

--

Then there was a great song and dance about going to find a treasure chest with decisive evidence in it. It involved a ship on wheels, a parrot and lots of 'yar har fiddle de dee-ing'

And digging up a chest. There was also someone being tied to a tree again, and (in the end) Phoenix pushing Edgeybeard into a very conveniently placed hole.

All in all, it was considered a good day.

--

MEANWHILE

In a universe far, far away… Some ex-Olympic Gymnast decided to write a children's play, which would eventually become a television series about a sporty blue elf thingy and some guy in purple.

--

Mary smiled from the witness stand, all honey and sweetness gone, replaced with a mocking smile. "Well Mr. Justice? Are we done here?"

"Not yet!" he exclaimed, light shining off his forehead. "I have here evidence that links you to the murder of Manny Bucks, Greg S. Loaded AND Ricky McRichrich! I present to the court, three bloody knife handles!"

There was a piece of dramatic instrumental, and the court started to murmur.

"So? Bloody handles. What does that have to do with this?"

"I had detective Sky analyse the blood on the knives. It matches the blood of your previous three victims! Also, there are your prints on it!"

"OBJECTION!" Klavier (oh there he is!) shouted. "What about the knife we found at the crime scene?"

Apollo banged his on the table. "Notice the blade and handle of the murder weapon are shaky. That's because the blade and hilt were not made for each other! A week before the crime, a Butterknife was stolen from Detective Gumshoe! She could have easily switched the handles after committing the crime to pass the blame onto someone else!"

Mary started to sweat. "B-but… Why would I kill my husbands?" She stuttered. "T-there's nothing to say that I wanted them dead!"

Ah ha! Apollo thought. You may have been able to fool everyone else, but not me Ms. Mary Mei!

He banged his hands on the table, and took out the folded piece of paper. "I present to the court, Ms Mary Mei's Prenuptial agreements with all three of her husbands. I also present their Life insurance forms.

The prenups state that in the event of a divorce, Ms Mei would get nothing at all. However, if death was to occur, the money form the life insurance was to go directly to her! Each life insurance policy was worth approximately 3 million dollars!"

He pointed at the very worried looking Mary. "That's why you killed them! You killed them to get your hands on the money!"

The court was quiet for about five seconds.

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!" Mary screamed, banging her fists on the table. "I WAS SO CLOSE! SO DAMN… CLOSE!"

--

Detective Innocent! Mary proved quite contrary by Murdering Money! Marriage to Loaded, Bucks and McRichrich proved invaluable! Page 10

--

AND THEN THEY ALL WENT DANCING. AND SAID SILLY THINGS WHEN THEY WERE DANCING.

Do do dodidootdootdootdoot

Do do dodidootdootdootdoot

Dooot!

--

Aaaaaannnnndddd…. That's it. Excuse my Apollo forehead jokes. But that was the first thing I noticed when I saw the new game cover. It's mesmerising….

And since bad names are practically traditional in PW games, I tried to get as many as I could in there. I must admit, Richy McRichrich was probably the most groanworthy one in there.

And dammit, I KNOW it's impossible for blood to retain its DNA for that long, but if I tell you its magic, would you leave me alone?

Fave bits of the fic

-The Magenta Pirate

- Fey Family UberBust ™

- PunNames

- Steel Chords of Doom ™

- Forehead jokes

- What fourth wall?

This Fic will eventually be on FFnet… Try to find it if you can

- WriterNon


End file.
